Have you ever felt like you're just stuck in your own personality? That you want to be less angry, or perhaps more cheerful? That you want to have a character closer to that of Jesus but you just can't get there? If you have, you're not alone.
If there is something that Jesus taught us is that we are to ask Him to help us resemble more His character and His love. To be the light He created us to be. At moments, however, certain situations trigger my 'bad' side and I don't want to react the way I normally do but regardless of where my mind is, my body feels to be going in another direction. At times like this I struggle with my own faith because, well, I question if the Holy Spirit is doing His work on me or not. I question if I am just a big hypocrite deceiving myself into believing that I am doing 'the right thing' when I truly am not. Have you felt like this before?
On of my favorite parts in the Bible is found in the book of Romans. When it comes to character and example, I am jealous (good jealous) of the apostle Paul. That man to me (without counting Jesus) is one of the biggest examples in the Bible of what it is to walk and follow Jesus. He gave it all for Jesus, including his life, and He talked as if he had a faith so strong that he knew he was going to be saved by Jesus. That kind of faith is HARD to attain and it must be the most beautiful thing in the world being that confident that Jesus had your back. Still, that man of great faith and who knew Jesus was with him wrote:
"For we know that the law is spiritual, but I am carnal, sold under sin. For what I am doing, I do not understand. For what I will to do, that I do not practice; but what I hate, that I do. If, then, I do what I will not to do, I agree with the law that it is good. But now, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me. For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh) nothing good dwells; for to will is present with me, but how to perform what is good I do not find. For the good that I will to do, I do not do; but the evil I will not to do, that I practice. Now if I do what I will not to do, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells in me." -Romans 7:14-20
Get it? Struggling with your internal self is a part of being human. We are sinful creatures by nature and ONLY through Jesus we can leave behind our sinful desires and be better. Walking with Jesus does not mean that you will be a walking saint with not one thought of human nature, but it does mean that you'll learn to recognize those thoughts and, when they present themselves, you will bend your knees, go to God in prayer, and know that He will deliver you and have your back. Walking with God is a beautiful experience. The enemy will try anything to get you to believe that you are nothing more than a fraud and that you are too sinful for God to even hear you... never let him. Jesus already defeated him and that same Jesus extends to you His hand.
Feeling "too dirty" to come to God? Then you need to come to God now more than ever. Don't want to be you? No worries... we've all been there. Trust that God is working, trust that He listens, trust that He will deliver you.
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