Polygamy is the practice of having more than one spouse at a time. The topic of God, the Bible, and polygamy is an exciting topic for me to write about for several reasons: (#1) is a question I've heard other people ask before, (#2) is a question that I've been personally asked about before, (#3) is a question that at one point I asked myself, and (#4) is one of those topics that are known to have been used to support the idea that the Bible contradicts itself. The question is, does it? What does the Bible teaches about marriage and what does it say about polygamy? Why there are recorded instances of polygamy? Should polygamy be practiced? These are the kinds of questions that we'll be referring to (and answering) throughout the contents of this post.
For this particular post, which makes it all the most exciting, not only I researched on my own, but I interviewed my friend, Pastor, and Doctor Javier Donate. Dr. Javier Donate and his wife, Cindy Stalker, have devoted the bulk of their career to marriage and youth. They've been the founders of the "Nueva Generacion" (new generation) ministries which focused on motivating students and bringing them closer to Jesus, and most recently, they are the founders of "Academia de Matrimonios" (Marriage Academy) which aims to provide marriages the tools they need to be successful. They've literally traveled the world talking to young adults and marriages, all under the light and guidance of the Bible, and they've appeared in several different TV local and international networks. Among many other accomplishments, they have authored 6 books on the topic of marriage and have produced 12 documentaries. With a very successful marriage, career, and having coached/mentored marriages all over the world, along with believing in the God of the Bible, I thought no two others would better be qualified for the task. Without much hesitation, I grabbed my phone, and requested Javier to have a meeting with me.
As you might've inferred, the content and channels of Dr. Donate are all in Spanish, so naturally, I had my interview with Him in Spanish. Everything I quote in this post is a direct translation to English (by me). I've gotten authorization from Javier to quote him and use the content of the interview for this post. Now... "let's get down to business".
What does the Bible says about marriage?
I don't think one must be a "hardcore" Bible student to come to the realization that several key characters in the Bible's Old Testament engaged in polygamy practices. Just to name a few of the most relatable names, we have Abraham, Jacob, and King Solomon. They all, at different degrees, practiced polygamy. Considering that these men clearly respected, obeyed, followed, and praised God, and, furthermore, that they are considered biblical role models, one could make a "clear" link between polygamy and it being a God-accepted practice. But is it really that simple? Before any interview could take place, I needed to find and study by myself the topic of marriage in the Bible. What does the Bible say about marriage, or perhaps more specifically, what does it say about polygamy (if anything)? As a Christian and Bible student, I believe that the Bible explains and interprets itself; God must've provided instructions about the topic having been the author and creator of marriage. After all, the Bible says:
"All Scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness, that the man of God may be complete, thoroughly equipped for every good work." - 2 Timothy 3:16-17
With a clear scope, I set out to find answers.
I believe that the first step towards understanding how God wants marriage to be, is to look at the first marriage he instituted. He created marriage, and before sin came into the world, everything was perfect. God created everything perfect and sinless, so the argument can be can be made that the "perfect and ideal marriage" is that which was formed before sin entered into the world. For this, we take a look at Genesis chapter 2 where Adam and Eve were created and bonded in marriage by God Himself.
"And the Lord God said, 'It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.'"- Genesis 2:18
"And the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall on Adam, and he slept; and He took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh in its place. Then the rib which the Lord God had taken from man He made into a woman, and He brought her to the man. And Adam said: 'This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, Because she was taken out of Man.' Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed." - Genesis 2:21-25
Note that from these verses, three key pieces of information can be collected: (#1) God never intended for man to be alone, (#2) God created one woman for one man - a helper that was comparable to him, and (#3) monogamy (one spouse) was the clear representation of a perfect marriage; note that the nouns used are not indicative of multiple individuals/object. If God would've believed that they would've been better off with more than one spouse, I believe that would've been the case. Still, although the original marriage was between one man and one woman, the question remains as we do know there are polygamy instances recorded in the Bible. So our quest for answers continue.
In my investigation I thought a great next step was to narrow the scope of the research to identify Bible verses containing, perhaps, "rules" or direct commands from God which could potentially suggest that polygamy is acceptable. After a few searches I came across one verse that has the 'potential' to support polygamy; this in the book of Exodus. The books of Exodus through Deuteronomy are known as the books of the 'Law'. These books deal with the laws that Israel would've needed to follow as the elected people of God. These not only give the 10 commandments to us all, but also localized/cultural guidelines that Israel would've needed to follow. With this, it made sense to find a text that could be interpreted as God approving polygamy. Let's read together:
“And if a man sells his daughter to be a female slave, she shall not go out as the male slaves do. If she does not please her master, who has betrothed her to himself, then he shall let her be redeemed. He shall have no right to sell her to a foreign people, since he has dealt deceitfully with her. And if he has betrothed her to his son, he shall deal with her according to the custom of daughters. If he takes another wife, he shall not diminish her food, her clothing, and her marriage rights."Exodus 21: 7-11
So, here we have a potential candidate. From the looks of it, verse 10 would seem to suggest that polygamy is indeed acceptable. A glance at the verse suggests that he (a man) can be married to a woman, and still have "another" wife. Could this be it? I needed to dig further into the text and analyze the context. Of course, before embarking the journey I did wanted to check if someone else had studied this topic and it was then when I came across a Doctoral Dissertation on the topic, written by Ronald A. G. du Preez; the Dissertation is titled: "Polygamy in the Bible with Implications for Seventh Day Adventist Missiology" (reference at the end of this section). I opened the document and started reading.
To my surprise the dissertation touched on the verse we just read; see chapter 3 and page 54. It is important to state that the Old Testament's original language is Hebrew. As such, experts, when in doubt about a context or word, often refer back to the Bible's original language to clarify some words or phrases. With so many translations, sometimes words get mis-translated or perhaps a word that 'means' the same but doesn't read the same is used. So, the author of the dissertation goes back to the original Hebrew language and cross-references the word being translated as "another" (in Hebrew - "aheret" - please see dissertation; my keyboard doesn't let me use the correct notation) and sees that the word has been used 12 times across other verses and in 5 of those instances it is used to mean "another - in addition to" while in 7 other instances it is used to mean "another - different and distinct from". By carefully analyzing the context surrounding the text in question, along with knowing that the word is used to mean "different" as well, the author concludes that the correct translation for the verse should've been "If he takes a different wife, he shall... ..." (see page 61 of dissertation for a more detailed analysis). In short... no polygamy allowed!
Now, was this enough? Could it be that another verse can be used in defense for polygamy? The referenced dissertation presents another case; one that I had not seen before. Let's read it:
"Nor shall you take a woman as a rival to her sister, to uncover her nakedness while the other is alive." Leviticus 18:18 NKJV
"Do not take your wife’s sister as a rival wife and have sexual relations with her while your wife is living." Lev. 18:18 NIV
I pasted two different Bible translations, NKJV and NIV, in order to get a better picture at the passage. At first glance, the verse seems to suggest that polygamy is a valid form of marriage because if is 'not ok to marry your wife's sister', then by deduction, it would be ok 'to marry someone else who's not a sister". Makes sense? Based on the discussion, some people have interpreted the verse as such. Once again, the author study the context of the word and the word "sister"in the original language, and comes back concluding that the correct interpretation for the word 'sister' is "fellow woman citizen", not the blood-related 'sister'. Obviously a lot of more details go into this which you can read directly from the referenced dissertation. Point is, once again.... no polygamy allowed!
Other than those two verses discussed, I could not identify any other verse that would suggest that God approves polygamy. Now, I diverted my attention to search for verses in the Bible that would speak about marriage in particular. Perhaps we could find a clue there. Let's take a look of the verses I found:
"..., each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband." - 1 Cor. 7:2-3
"He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord." - Prov. 18:22
"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor..." - Ecc. 4:9
"Haven’t you read,'he replied,'that at the beginning the Creator ‘made them male and female,’ and said, ‘For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh’? So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” - Matthew 19:4-6
What do all these verses have in common? Can you tell? Let me give you a hint... there's no plural noun. No "wives" or "husbands" but "wife" and "husband". After a few hours of research, I could find not one instance in the Bible that would suggest, rationally and contextually, that polygamy is a practice endorsed by God in the Bible. Not one. Simply put, to state that God endorses polygamy, is completely incorrect. That much we know. Despite all this research, there was just something that kept bugging me. Now my questions turned to some of the key characters in the Bible that practiced polygamy. More specifically, questions like: "why would they practice it?" and "why God didn't seemed (at least not in an obvious way) to be bothered by them engaging in polygamy?". Among these characters, I focused mainly on Abraham, Jacob, and King Solomon (although others in the Bible also practiced polygamy).
The fact that they did it and, from the looks of it, didn't seemed to get "punished for it", bothered me a lot. This because we know that God is just, fair, and His standards never change. the Bible does state:
"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever..." - Hebrews 13:8
To answer these questions, however, I knew I needed the input from a more knowledgeable and proficient person in the topic of marriage and the Bible. For this, I contacted and interviewed Dr. Javier Donate.
**Dissertation reference: https://digitalcommons.andrews.edu/cgi/viewcontent.cgi?article=1163&context=dmin
Interview: Dr. Javier Donate
Javier and I met on an afternoon in a weekday. I really wanted to "pick his mind" on the topic of polygamy. Having worked with marriages for most of his career, something about me just knew he had either been approached with a polygamy situation, or at the very least, someone must've questioned him about it at some point. We sat down in our computers, and with me sitting in Washington and him in Texas, we began our discussion. It is important to note that the recorded conversations, as stated, were in Spanish and that not absolutely everything discussed has been transcribed/shared below. This, mainly because I did not wanted this section to be too big and, also, because I wanted to deliver just the essence of the message discussed.
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QUESTION #1: Dr. Donate, what can you tell us about marriage (in general) and the position that the Bible takes regarding it?
"The biblical model of marriage and the one God intended, since the beginning, was an heterosexual marriage; a marriage between one man and one woman as depicted in Genesis 1:27. A marriage in which both members would obtain a blessing, from God, and in which both could enjoy an intimate relationship with each other. Marriage was created for the spouses to be of help to each other, to share love and to share passion as depicted in the "Song of Solomon" book. Marriage was not created for anyone to use it as a vehicle towards fulfilling a personal agenda, but to share above all, love between the two. Notice that I am emphatic in saying 'between the two'. Nowadays I've seen it become normal for people to be living a 'married' life with more than one spouse, or people agreeing to exchange spouses and have a multiple-person relationship... this is not the biblical model we see pictured in the Bible as God originally intended."
Having heard this, I knew my next question needed to be Bible-related. Clearly much people believe that the Bible does indeed supports / endorses polygamy, therefore understanding under what grounds this could be being mis-interpreted was crucial. For my next question, I wanted to know whether, aside from the verses we've already discussed, he had heard about Bible verses that people might've used to support the polygamy view.
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QUESTION #2: In your experience, and aside from the verses in Exodus 21 and Leviticus 18, have you heard of other Bible verses that people might cite to support their polygamy belief?
"Well, first off, I actually have a close friend who is a minister which strongly believes in polygamy. He believes in polygamy, he believes that it is permitted by God and he uses as an example the fact that patriarchs in the Bible had various women. The fact that men like Abraham, Jacob, David (and others) lived with several women, opens the door to believe, in his mind, that polygamy is legitimized in the Bible. I have another friend who actually lives with 3 women and has 16 kids so... I don't only know people who believe in Bible's polygamy endorsement, but that actually practice it."
- "So in essence, the fact that men in the Bible practiced polygamy is the key to support the belief that God endorses polygamy...?"
"Correct. Here's something you have to understand though... in the context of history and the people of Israel as mentioned in the Bible, there were many embedded cultural practices and, indeed, polygamy was one of them; just as slavery was another. So when we see God, for instance, regulating and providing rules about slavery, that does not mean that God endorses slavery... just as when we see God perhaps talking about polygamy, it did not meant that God supported it. There are many Bible texts, actually directed towards discussing marriage, which use singlar nouns, not plural. If God wanted marriage to be composed of multiple spouses, He would've done it so when he instituted the first marriage."
"You also have to note that the first man registered in the Bible as engaging in polygamy was Lamech in Genesis 4:19. Before him, no record of polygamy is seen. Also note that this man, Lamech, is clearly a man with a corrupt heart - by his own words later on that chapter you see that he killed a man and talked in ways a man of God would not. Here we clearly see that polygamy was introduced by those who separated themselves from the ways and will of God. They perverted the original purpose and composition of marriage."
At this point I knew we had started getting somewhere. Just as we had previously discussed and read together, Bible verses which make reference to the institution of marriage, always point to the fact that a marriage is composed of two people... not 3 or more. Having clearly stated that God does not and did not supported polygamy, now we needed to address "the elephant in the room". I knew my next question was going to be a hard one...
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QUESTION #3: We know that God is just, fair, and that he doesn't change; the Bible states that. Knowing this, why the men of faith in the Bible (Abraham, Jacob, David, Solomon... and others) got in a sense a "free pass" from God to practice polygamy without it being a 'sin', but if we now practice it in the present time, we would indeed be in 'sin'? Why was it acceptable for them and not to us?
"No, it has always been a sin. It is a sin now, it was a sin then. There's something we need to set straight. When reading the Bible, you need to define whether the passage that you're reading is 'descriptive' or 'prescriptive'. When the Bible, God, states that Jacob had various wives, David had several, Solomon had several... we need to ask ourselves if God is being 'prescriptive', meaning that it is outlining a conduct that we are to follow, or 'descriptive', meaning it's just describing the situation the Bible character was in. Of course, in these cases we understand that the Bible is merely being descriptive and not prescriptive. There are many other key conducts these characters in the Bible exhibited: Abraham lied, Jacob lied, David killed many people - was a man of blood, but just because we see these men doing these things, does not mean we are to follow the example, or even more than that, that God endorse such behaviors. Biblically, all these conducts, including polygamy, are merely descriptive attributes."
"Going back to the historical and cultural framework, we also need to understand that polygamy became so common, in a sense, culturally... that these men perhaps were not even fully aware that God did not endorsed such embedded cultural behaviors. It became a situation of 'I'm doing it because others are doing it'. So, we see that these passages were being descriptive. A prescriptive passage is seen in Deuteronomy 17:17 in which we see God stating that the king should not "multiply wives for himself". Every instance that God has to be prescriptive about marriage, He does so by pointing towards monogamy."
At this point it became apparent that God indeed does not change. His views on marriage have never changed and monogamy has always been 'God's way' to a healthy marriage. Beyond biblical advice, at this point, I wanted to know if from a professional standpoint there are any known benefits to polygamy. Wanted to understand if, by putting God and the Bible aside, perhaps there was some benefit to polygamy that we "might be missing on"...
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QUESTION #4: Dr. Donate, so putting God and the Bible aside, and in your professional experience with marriages... do you see any benefits to the practice of polygamy?
"Definitely no. There are no benefits, it is the complete opposite actually. Let me give you an example... In the marriage I mentioned in which the man had 3 wives, I know that one of them left with her children and I actually had the opportunity to talk to her. She mentioned that rivalry between the woman led, mainly, to the separation. See, when it comes to love, we humans want exclusivity; we were created that way! When a person falls in love, he or she falls in love with one person. We have evidence for that in life and even in the Bible. Solomon had 1,000 women between wives and concubines but in the book of 'Song of Solomon' he actually directs the writings towards one woman. We can love one person... might be the case that we stop loving one and start loving another but, it's one person that our hearts are normally tied to. Simply put, there are no benefits to polygamy; way too much conflict arises when living in such a situation."
Ok, so polygamy... not good. At this point, another question popped into my mind. Since God does not endorse nor supports polygamy, and from a professional standpoint there are no known benefits to it... what would the approach be for a person that currently practices it and wants to do things right? This was to be my last question for the day...
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QUESTION #5: In your professional experience then... what would your advice be to a person that at present practices polygamy but wants to do things right with God? Should he/she just leave some of his/her spouses behind and reduce to just one? Should he/she keep the relationship as it is?
"Look, if we're talking about people here in America, the U.S, where it's illegal to have more than one legal spouse, then the person should cut ties with the illegitimate relationships and keep his legal and legitimate marriage; the first wife/husband. Now, the consensus for people leaving in other countries where it's legal and acceptable to have more than one legal spouse is for that person not to leave his life partners. Of course, for those that are coming into it, the advice is for the person not to practice polygamy, but if he/she is already in, then keeping their partners is best. This because in those countries, kicking out a person, a woman with children, would create much more conflict than simply remaining in the current state of affairs. "
"In 1 Timothy 3:2 Paul states that the bishop should be 'husband of one wife'. Back in those times, many converted christians were practicing polygamy and it was best for them not to break that family nucleus and throw into the streets a woman with children. This would be catastrophic and would've potentially led to a woman falling pray to prostitution to try to make a living. So Paul is saying, that for the Bishop position (which is a leadership position), the man should be a man of one wife as it would be the example that person would set for future christians... for all others, however, if they came in having multiple wives, then they should keep that state of affairs to avoid complications. I guess in short, the consensus is that if you come in having been practicing polygamy, then you should keep your spouses. For those that have not yet married, then he should only marry one spouse."
Conclusion
I hope that by this point the conclusion of our discussion is clear. God does NOT approve nor endorses polygamy and the Bible does NOT contradicts itself. Marriage was instituted and created to be between one man and one woman; each a helper and support to the other. It's the way God created, design it, and intended for it to be. In the Bible there are instances of key characters that did fell prey to the practice, but that did not and does not mean that God approved/approves of it; there's a distinction to be made between prescriptive and descriptive verses. Hopefully this post helped you clarify the biblical position with respect to polygamy, and please, share with me if you believe there are other apparent "contradictions" in the Bible that you believe we should be addressing.
As always, please reach out with any questions, comments, or suggestions, like this page and don't forget to subscribe to our Youtube Channel 😁. God Bless You!!
Until next one,
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